Monday, April 26, 2010

it's officially my birthday . . . and i really love this song

I've been rocking my little boy to sleep with a lullaby CD called Sing Over Me the past couple days. The lyrics to this song just struck right at my heart. This is how I feel. The music is also lovely.

by Nichole Nordeman and Clint Lagerberg

When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes
You are good, so good
In the heat of the day, with each stone that I lay
You are good

With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I am grateful again
When the moon climbs high before each kiss goodnight
You are good

When the road starts to turn around each bend I've learned
You are good, so good
And when somebody's hand holds me up, helps me stand
You are so good

With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
'Cause its more than enough just to know I am loved
And You are good

So, how can I thank You
What can I bring
What can these poor hands lay at the feet of the King
I'll sing You a love song
It's all that I have
To tell You I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands

When it's dark and it's cold and I can't feel my soul
You are good
When the world is gone gray and the rain is here to stay
You are still good

So, with every breath I take in
I'll tell You I am grateful again
And the storm m[a]y swell even then
It is well and You are good

[end of song]

In some ways I felt today was wasted. My little guy, who doesn't sleep much even when everything is normal, goes on sleep strikes every month or so and sleeps even less. Last night he went to sleep at 12:20 a.m., which means I did not start working until 12:20 a.m. It was nearing 4:00 a.m. when I went to bed, finishing just what was absolutely necessary. He woke up at 7:55 a.m. happy and ready to go, loving life, asking to "play cars with mommia." I, on the other hand, was a weight and had to peel myself from the bed. We had the most beautiful spring day full of color and warm breezes. I had the most happy little two-year-old by my side, but I just couldn't kick myself into gear to fully enjoy it or make the most of it. We spent only about an hour or so of the gorgeous day outside before it was time for his nap, which lasted less than an hour. (How does this child function?) And then when he woke up, my husband came home, and it was time for me to go teach piano lessons. So I just feel like I missed him. I missed really soaking in the day with him--the time with him--to its fullest. And I know these are the days I will yearn for when he is grown. I want to enjoy every moment. I want to fully live each second.
Yes, I could have made more of today for sure. But, you know what? It was a sweet, slow-moving day. I didn't accomplish too much and I wasn't overly creative in my mothering, but I did enjoy making Play-Doh spaghetti outside in the sunshine and chasing a ball with my favorite two-year-old in an open soccer field, and I did get lots of snuggles and hugs in, a few books read together, and two cards mailed to people who are on my mind and in my heart right now. And I got a really long shower, and I came home from teaching to a delicious dinner with my two favorite people on earth. Tomorrow (which is really today) is my birthday and I'm determined to make more of it, even if I am completely exhausted. My life is full. I am tired. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Really, sometimes all I can do is say thank You for this simple life I get to live.

[I don't know why my post says it was posted at 10:56 on Monday night, but it is 1:00 on Tuesday morning, April 27, my birthday.]

1 comment:

  1. Happy, Happy Birthday, Cyndi!

    Your day sounded pretty productive to me. I often have days like that when I am tired...and not overly creative. But when I look back, I remind myself that my girls and I still had each other. We still had conversations, kisses, and time together. And that MATTERS.

    P.S. The lyrics to that song are beautiful. A very fitting lullaby.